Little Lady Briana: Chapters

The doctor’s office was a Type-III. It had the fancy but informal decoration style of a specialist’s private practice but was well worn from age. It had a well-sanitized exam table that Ava was perched on. For days with fewer tests, she preferred to curl up in one of the small armchairs that sat kitty-corner between the exam table and the doctor’s small desk. There was a window too high to look out of or into and a spider plant trailing down a cast iron coat rack.

As offices went, Ava found it better for comfort than a Type-IV, which was the same thing as a Type-II but new. Both were preferable to a Type-II, which was a regular clinical office with its almost-white walls and blue-speckled linoleum. The higher-numbered types, like community health clinics (Type-VI) and dedicated procedure centers (Type VII), were much further down the comfort scale. Type I’s – hospitals – were just a no in all ways, but at the top of the chart because they were inevitable.

For Ava to pick out details of the exam room she was in and map it to her classification system meant she’d been in the room alone for a while. The doctor was busy, but she couldn’t complain. It was at least partially her fault. After her adventures in not breathing, the doctor had kindly fitted her into an already packed schedule.

A knock on the door was followed by Dr. Adams making her entrance. She was an older lady but showed no signs of slowing down. Ava was glad for that. She didn’t know what she’d do if she couldn’t ask her grandmotherly, white-haired, broad-bodied tank of a doctor for help.

“Hi, Dr. Adams.”

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Ava. You know you can call me Leda if you want.” Leda plopped her laptop on the desk and tapped away on the keys.

“I know. I’m feeling – not confident today, I guess.” The breezy exam gown Ava was wearing contributed to that feeling, but the real culprit was the medical pullup she was wearing. After all the ABDL stuff she’d been doing with Briana, the pullup’s lack of cute print was no barrier to feeling Little.

“That’s understandable after your incident.” Leda put a hand on Ava’s arm, gently squeezing her. “Do you feel like your body betrayed you?”

“All my body does is betray me, bit by bit.” Ava sighed.

“There’s some good news.” Leda turned the computer so that Ava could see her EKG readout. “Your heart function is strong. Cognitive tests came back as sharp as ever. I know that’s important to you.”

Ava breathed a sigh of relief. “It is. But what about – my bladder?”

Leda smiled sympathetically. “You’ve lost some function there. It’s not enough to list incontinence as a diagnosis, but there’s been negative progression on your partial continence.”

My girlfriend doesn’t care if I wear diapers. She’s rich, pretty, and – has a boyfriend. Blinking away tears, Ava plucked at the waistband of her pullup. “You’re saying it’s a good idea for me to wear these more.”

“I’d suggest it any time you’re going out of the house for a significant period, mostly to avoid embarrassment.”

Dr. Adams’ face was so kind and sympathetic that Ava couldn’t be mad at her. She wanted to be angry. Nothing would feel better than screaming and imagining throwing rocks at Lord Hanuman’s temple – for five minutes anyway. Past that, the bitterness would only make Ava feel worse. She’d fallen into that trap many times before growing out of it.

“Are you suggesting that to the point of being willing to prescribe them?”

Leda nodded. “I’ve been willing to do that to help you with the cost for a while.”

“I guess – go ahead and write the prescription.” A trio of tears dripped onto Ava’s exam gown. It was a slight loss, but she was in a battle where you didn’t get victories. All you could do was delay the losses as much as possible.

“Done.” Leda stood up and gave Ava a hug that she gratefully leaned into.

“Do you have someone to pick you up? I’d hate to see you go home alone, as you’re feeling today.”

“Rohan is supposed to pick me up, and I have Ollie waiting in the lobby.”

“Good.” Leda gave Ava another squeeze before packing up her laptop. “I know today was bad news, but overall, your progression is excellent. You’ve got many good years ahead of you, Ava; you’re lucky in that regard.”

Not as lucky as people who get the full set of years – but she’s right. “I know, thanks, Dr. Adams.”

“Can I help you get down from the examining table or help you get dressed?”

“Just hand me my crutches, please. I want to do the rest myself.”

“I’m proud of you,” Leda said, handing Ava her crutches. “It’s not easy to put in the work every day, but that’s a big part of why you’re doing so well.”

~~~*~~~

To no one’s surprise, Ollie offered to accompany Rohan and Ava back to Ava’s apartment. Ollie’s concern was less about Ava’s bad news and more that Rohan’s shoulders would go un-oggled, but she appreciated the company anyway. Her brother’s height, shoulders, and classic Indian good looks had captivated many of her friends. Ava was used to it. Having friends crush on her big brother was a fair trade for Rohan being such a good big brother.

Case in point, when they arrived at Ava’s apartment, Rohan helped her out of the car but didn’t offer to carry or help her in the door. He stuck close enough that he’d be able to catch her at the slightest tumble but didn’t make it obvious. Instead, he teased Ollie in their ongoing game of “let’s wind Ollie up about his crush on Rohan.”

“Servant boy.” Rohan tossed Ava’s keys to Ollie. “Open the door for us; that’s a good lad.”

Ollie caught the keys, rolling his eyes. “Why do I let you treat me like that?”

“Because you’re such a good person,” Rohan smirked. “You’re personally making up for decades of British imperialism.”

“Yeah, that’s the reason.”

Ava giggled, nodding to Ollie imperiously when he held the door for her. While Rohan let Mango out of his cage, Ava went to the kitchen.

“Are you two hungry? I’ll fix some lunch.”

Ollie bit his lip in concern. “It’s okay, you don’t have to…”

“Tangi, great idea,” Rohan said, using the Kannada word for sister as he always did. He flopped onto Ava’s couch. “What are we having?”

Opening the fridge on crutches was always awkward – Ava didn’t bother with the crisper drawers at the bottom. Two plastic containers, one full of delicious brown-sauced pork, the other a thin white batter, were within easy reach.

“I have some coorgi pandi left over. There’s batter ready for neer dosa. The dosa will be ready by the time the pandi heats up.” Ignoring Ollie’s hovering, Ava put a pot and pan on the stove, grabbing an onion and vegetable oil.

“Delicious!” Rohan declared.

“Dosa? Don’t you have to stand for a while to fry those?” Ollie’s voice was full of concern – annoying concern.

“If you’re going to complain, you can help instead.” Rohan had Mango on his forearm and was feeding him bits of dried fruit. “Heat the pandi – but no snacking until lunch is ready.”

“No promises.” Ollie dumped the spicy, curried pork into the pot and turned on the burner. “Is this your mom’s pandi?”

“It’s her recipe, but I made it.” Ava set up a station for cooking her dosa. Next to her pan was the batter, with the oil and sliced onion on the other side. On the counter but still within reach was the cooling plate. After ensuring she was well-braced on her crutches, she waited for the pan to heat.

“Oh, Ollie won’t like it then.” Rohan chuckled.

“That’s slander.” Ollie stirred the curry slowly. He didn’t need to, but it kept him in the kitchen in case Ava needed anything. He might be more annoying than Rohan with how he watched over her, but Ava appreciated it all the same. Not that she’d admit that to Ollie. He’d go way overboard if he thought she liked having someone on standby.

“Amma’s pandi,” Ava said, slipping into the Kannada word for mom in her brother’s presence. “Is really good. I’m not offended – much.”

“Yours is better.” Rohan grinned at Ava. “As long as you never tell Amma that. Ollie doesn’t have the experience to tell the difference.”

“Are you sure about that? How many dinners have you eaten at my parents’ house, Ollie?” Ava grinned up at her friend.

“It’s not my fault I was born into a British food family,” Ollie laughed.

He’d always been a fan of her amma’s cooking. Though the number of dinner invitations he’d contrived to get went up significantly after Rohan had his high school growth spurt. The banter and the meal were a slice of home that greatly warmed the sad spots in Ava’s heart. She dropped oil into the pan, rubbed it across the non-stick surface with the onion, and poured her batter. As always, lacy gaps formed in the rice batter, which she quickly filled before putting a lid on the pan.

Thin as a crepe, the dosa almost drifted onto the cooling plate. Ava oiled the pan again, poured more batter, and folded her freshly cooled dosa. Around the third dosa, Rohan came into the kitchen to give Ava a hug and Ollie a noogie. He left with plates and cups to set the table with. The three of them were seated in front of a stack of delicate dosa and a pot of glorious-smelling pandi long before Ava’s legs could tremble.

Without Ollie present, Ava would have asked her brother about his boyfriend, Neil. Given how enthusiastically Ollie was praising her pandi, Ava took mercy on her friend and asked, “So what’s new with you two? I feel like we haven’t hung out in forever.”

“That’s because all your time is going to your new friend,” Ollie said through a mouthful of pandi-topped dosa. Rohan good-naturedly tossed a napkin at Ollie’s mouth.

“New friend? This is the first I’m hearing,” Rohan said.

“Her name is Briana, she’s uh – a girlfriend, I think.” Ava kept her eyes on her plate to avoid the boys’ reactions.

“You think she’s a girlfriend?” Ollie had the good manners to ask with his mouth empty.

“Tangi, I’m curious too.”

“I figured you would be, Anna.” Using the Kannada word for older brother with Rohan felt natural- and Little. Still padded and proudly dry, Ava was halfway into that headspace anyway. “It’s complicated because she’s poly – and has a boyfriend.”

“Is that okay? I don’t think you’ve dated anyone poly before.” Rohan put his big arm across Ava’s shoulders.

“I don’t know; I’m still figuring it out.” Ava sighed. “You dated a poly guy once, Ollie, but we didn’t discuss it much. Any advice?”

“Uh, I don’t have a lot of super useful advice. We were gay dating, not lesbian dating. There weren’t so many long walks in the park. It’s more like getting texted, “You up?” at eleven at night.”

“That’s not how lesbian dating is.” Ava stuck her tongue out at Ollie. “You didn’t even mention flannels.”

“You’ll need to communicate a lot,” Rohan said. “And you can still get hurt. What about this girl makes her so special?”

“She’s…” Ava munched on her lunch while she tried to find a way to describe Briana’s effusive Little personality without bringing up ABDL. “Briana is the most open, enthusiastic person I’ve ever met. She’s all or nothing – once she decided we were friends, she was in my life.”

“In a good way, though?” Rohan asked.

“Yeah, I don’t mean she was pushy – well, she was a bit pushy – but I couldn’t resist hanging out with her. She’s a lot of fun.” Ava leaned against her brother, taking refuge from bad memories in his strength. “Also, she’s tiny, but she shouted down the mob that knocked me over.”

“That’s brave. Crazy, but brave. I’m glad she didn’t get hurt too.” Ollie saluted Briana with his water glass.

“You sound like you’re falling for her.” Rohan squeezed Ava and returned to his lunch. “Does she know that?”

“I don’t know. She’s already said she loves me – and said I didn’t have to say it back, but it feels weird not to.”

“I’ll get your apartment packed up.” Ollie chuckled. “There, was that the right stereotype?”

“Yes, very good.” Ava chuckled. “I don’t know what to do with her. I like her, but she’s such a pain in the ass. The first time I met her, I thought she was this ditzy rich girl who’d never been to the crazy mansion I was looking after.”

“She’s a Rasmussen?” Rohan raised his brows.

“Don’t start with your poly-sci stuff, Anna. Yes, she is, she’s adopted. Like, within the year. So she’d never been to the mansion for a good reason, but she still belongs to a mansion-owning family.”

“I don’t think Appa and Amma would hate that about her.” Rohan chuckled. “So she’s Michelle’s daughter?”

“No – Veronica’s.” Ava rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe you know more about my girlfriend’s family than I do.”

“Veronica? Michelle’s daughter is her mom? How old is Briana?”

“My age. She’s in Microbio.” Ava threw up her hands at Rohan. “Don’t ask. It’s a whole thing, I don’t get how their family works.”

Ollie was watching Ava suspiciously. She was sure he didn’t believe her and had an idea of how it worked for Briana to be Veronica’s daughter. Thankfully, he wasn’t the sort that would out her as ABDL to her brother.

“I guess old money can do however they like.” Rohan shrugged. “It works the same way in India. Rules are for us peasants.”

“If you’re a peasant, how do you get away with calling me servant boy?” Ollie grinned triumphantly.

“That’s how low your station is.” Rohan laughed. Ava joined in, glad for the topic-switching save.

“Nobody answered my question; what’s going on with you two?”

“I’m thinking of hopping companies again,” Rohan said.

“Where are you going next? Google? Amazon?” Ollie asked.

“Neil and I are considering getting into a startup with our friends.”

“Isn’t that risky?” Ava frowned.

“It could be, but we have a lot of money saved up.” Rohan shrugged. “If it pans out, I wouldn’t have to work for a few years.”

“Yeah, but a startup in Boston?” Ollie shook his head in mock disapproval. “Shouldn’t you move to San Francisco for that? You could make a thing of it, get an apartment in The Castro.”

“Living vicariously through me again?” Rohan winked. “The Castro is way more your neighborhood.”

“I have to live my truth – so I’m either moving there or to Hell’s Kitchen when my doctorate is done.”

“Because those places have a lot of work for Psychology post-docs?” Ava giggled.

“They’re big cities, and gays are notoriously in need of therapy. I’ll become a counselor or something.”

“Or something?” Ava poked Ollie in his side.

“I have at least two years before my dissertation is done. Plenty of time to figure things out.”

“Speaking of time…” Rohan got up from the table with his plate in hand.

“You have to go back already?” Ava sighed.

“Sorry, Tangi, I do.” Rohan leaned down to nuzzle Ava’s head. “Ollie, do you need a ride anywhere?”

“I’d just take you in the wrong direction, and I have some errands to run downtown. Thanks, though, Rohan.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, Ava.” Rohan returned from rinsing his plate off to hug Ava. “The police had better find the guy who pushed you over.”

“Briana used the power of her family name when talking to the cops, so I think they will.”

“Good.” Rohan ruffled Ollie’s hair. “I’ve got to go, or I’ll be late. Take care, Ava, and call us if anything else happens.”

Ava and Ollie waved goodbye as Rohan left, both sighing the same wistful sigh when the door closed – though for entirely different reasons.

“Okay, Ava, I’ve gotta ask – that Veronica that’s Briana’s mom – is she the same Veronica Rasmussen that’s a post-doc in psych? The one working on ABDL therapy?”

“I guess?” Ava blushed and sat back in her chair. “I didn’t ask her mom what she did for work when she uh – was uh…”

“Babying you?” Ollie chuckled as he gathered up the rest of the plates.

“Changing me.” Ava looked down at her shoes. Thankfully, Ollie didn’t scoff, even as a joke.

“Huh, so Briana is like her test subject or…?”

“Veronica loves Briana. I don’t know how they met or how Briana got into ABDL, but – it’s obvious how much Veronica loves her.”

“I’m just saying, is she going to experiment on you?”

“Ollie, don’t. I got bad news related to that from the doctor. She said – I should have protection on all the time now.”

“Oh, hell. I’m sorry, Ava.” Ollie was by her side in a flash, holding her tightly.

“Thanks. I didn’t want to – to…”

“I know.” Ollie bonked his head gently against Ava’s. “Brightside, though, it’s not a problem for your girlfriend or her mom.”

“Yeah. I guess – she has incontinence issues, too. We have that in common, I guess. Woo.”

“You want someone to hang out with for the rest of the day? I can do my errands some other day.” Ollie picked up the rest of the dishes, rinsing them in the sink.

“No, it’s okay. Thank you. I need to relax. Maybe I’ll call Briana.”

“The offer’s open any time.”

“Thanks, Ollie. You know, you’re a good friend for a horrible, bitchy queen.”

“You’re a good friend too. For a baby.” Ollie laughed at the same time Ava did.

“Honestly, though, Ollie – Hell’s Kitchen?”

“I wanna be in the center of it all!” Ollie did his best flaming voice, complete with an equally flamboyant pose. Once he’d gotten a laugh from Ava, he dropped the pose and switched back to his regular voice. “What about you? Any plans after your dissertation?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll stay here. It’s friendly to ABDLs – or used to be. Ardenthill has good resources, and I could try for a postdoc position in the department.”

“I thought you wanted to move to Boston to be closer to Rohan.” Ollie peeked out from the kitchen with a big grin. “Maybe there’s someone else you want to be close to? Someone whose name begins with a B?”

“Maybe. Plus, if I have to always wear protection, I might as well have fun with it.” Ava looked over at Ollie nervously. “Right?”

“Yeah, dummy. Of course, that’s right. Whatever makes you happy, go for it!”

“I don’t know if it does, but it’s worth a shot.” With her legs giving her a warning tremble, Ava made her way to the couch and took a seat with her feet up on the cushions. “Thanks for cleaning up lunch.”

“It’s the least I could do, you cooked.” Ollie came over for a hug before grabbing his backpack. “If you need anything, text or call. The Ollie Express isn’t far away.”

“If I need to, I will, but I should be fine. Thanks, Ollie.”

“See you, Ava.”

The door closed, leaving Mango and Ava on their own. Not that Mango was good company at the moment. Rohan had overfed him snacks – he was sleeping on his perch with a chonky belly. Though she was enjoying the silence, talking about Briana so much had Ava missing her girlfriend. She snuggled under a lap blanket and sent her girlfriend a text. The reply came back near-instantly, full of rainbow and cat emojis. Ava giggled and settled down for a chat with her silly girl.