The leaf-swirling gusts of fall wind carried a dreadful chill that heralded midterms and holidays. Camila hugged her coat more tightly around her, laughing as Amanda danced through the airborne leaves. Her lab partner had been finding ways to stay moving and warm on the whole walk. Amanda’s midriff baring lavender coat was the culprit, but temperature wasn’t the biggest reason Camila disapproved of the impractical jacket.
“Your diaper is showing again!” Camila tugged at a scrap of plastic peeking out of Amanda’s waistband as the other girl danced by.
“Nuh uh, it’s your diaper.”
“That’s what you think. It’s not a loan, I don’t want it back.”
Camila grabbed Amanda’s waist and pushed her face-first against a wall. Amanda’s whine earned her a quick swat on her padded butt from Camila. “Hold still! We’re fixing it for real this time.”
Abandoning subtlety, Camila pulled the waistband of Amanda’s jeans and stuffed the other girl’s diaper down. A pair of firm yanks on Amanda’s belt loops made sure her jeans would hide her diaper from view. Camila patted Amanda’s butt and took her hand.
“There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“I don’t know why I let you do that, you’re not my mommy.” Amanda stuck her tongue out at Camila. Following the impudent gesture up with a classic flounce, Amanda pulled ahead as much as Camila’s grip on her hand would allow.
“You need one. You’re going to freeze in that stupid coat.”
“You’re going to freeze too, cause you’re not wearing a diaper.”
“That’s not – that doesn’t make sense.” Try as she might to protest, Camila had to admit that her hips and butt were cold. She wished she was in a diaper’s thick padding, instead of nothing but thin panties under her jeans.
Amanda giggled and pulled away from Camila. Eagerly, the Vietnamese girl entered Ardenthill Medical Supply. Camila followed, chasing Amanda past indistinct shelves of many-tubed machines and miniature wheelchairs. She caught her friend with a store employee, already discussing diapers.
“We have some ugly medical diapers if you’re incontinent,” The woman in nursing scrubs said.
“I want pretty diapers. Ones that people wear to wet for fun.” Belén reached into her jeans and pulled out a bit of her pink diaper’s waistband. “Like this one!”
“What about your friend? Does she need diapers too?”
“She probably needs the ugly kind.” Amanda smirked.
“I do not! Listen, I’m not incontinent, I don’t even wear diapers, this girl is crazy, I don’t know her…” Camila’s jaw dropped as the shop employee tossed her suddenly-long, dark hair. Belén was before her, wearing a set of heavily modified scrubs. The pants rode low on the Spanish girl’s waist, and the top was unbuttoned enough to show a generous amount of pale cleavage.
“Are you sure you don’t need diapers? This is the store for diapers. You shouldn’t be here if you don’t need them.” Belén stroked Camila’s cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of everything.”
“No, no, I don’t need them!” Camila found herself backed up against a shelf by Belén. In a panic, she unbuttoned her jeans. “See? I have panties on. I’m a big girl!”
“Oh, that’s good.” Belén leaned in for a kiss, leaving Camila steamy and warm. “Then you’re still my girlfriend, instead of my baby.”
“I want diapers!” Amanda whined, stamping her foot.
Belén shrugged at Camila and smiled. “Sorry Querida. I’m at work, so I have to take care of the baby first.”
“Since when do you work here anyway?” Camila shuffled along behind Belén, who had Amanda by the hand. Annoyingly, Amanda was on her best behavior for Belén.
“It’s my first day on the job. I was so good with the babies that they promoted me to manager.” Belén passed through a glowing door and laid Amanda naked on a changing table. As Camila joined them, towering shelves of diapers closed in around them like The Matrix armory.
“Oh – that’s great. Congratulations.” Camila fidgeted, watching Belén’s thin pants fit themselves to the curves of her rear as she bent over Amanda.
“I’m really happy. I’ll get to take care of babies all day, except when I’m on dates with you, of course.” Belén had Amanda in a comic panel print Avengers diaper and was tickling the Little girl’s tummy. As she watched Amanda giggle and cuddle with Belén, Camila felt a storm brewing behind her eyes.
“Is that – part of the service? Do you have to tickle her like that?”
“Babies get the best treatment at the diaper store!” Belén pulled a soft-looking yellow one-piece pajama off a nearby shelf and sat Amanda up, already dressed in the pjs. Camila’s lab partner was pink cheeked and beaming as she hugged Belén.
It’s not fair! Camila stamped her foot, but Belén’s attention stayed riveted on Amanda. Something snapped in Camila’s mind. She found herself wailing as pee gushed out and soaked her jeans.
“Belén! I’m wet!”
“Oh no!” Belén turned away from Amanda, who faded into stillness. The Spanish girl was embracing Camila immediately, her generous breasts straining against her now skin-tight scrubs. “It’s okay baby girl, I know exactly what to do.”
Belén lifted Camila easily, setting her on a large black table. She raised her hand and shouted across the room. “Excuse me, Lab supervisor! We have a wet baby girl here.”
Camila whimpered as the whole chemistry lab turned to look at her. Amanda, still in her yellow pajamas, clearing the lab table off. All the equipment was made of plastic and primary-colored.
“Is that something you can take care of on your own, or do you need instruction?” The shadowy TA didn’t seem inclined to move from the front of the lab room, for which Camila was grateful.
“I can do it, but do you think people would like to watch?” Belén pushed Camila onto her back and stripped her lower half bare.
“That’s a good idea. Students, if you want to watch the demonstration at table eight, you’ll earn five points of extra credit.” At the TA’s announcement, a wall of students crowded around the table. Their features were indistinct, but they all seemed to be smiling or laughing.
“Amanda, can you help me?” Belén held her hand out to the pajamaed girl. “Wipes.” A pair of tongs holding a bundle of wipes appeared in Belén’s hand. Slowly, she scrubbed Camila’s legs, crotch, and rear clean.
“What kind of diaper should we use for this kind of girl?”
“An UGLY one!” Amanda handed Belén a dull white medical diaper with stripe running around the crotch for its wetness indicator.
“Good job, that’s correct.” Belén pushed Camila’s legs apart for the benefit of the observers. “This Little girl is incontinent. Normally she could wear underwear for old ladies, but her accidents are too big for that.”
“Belén, wait, I, I don’t want that diaper.” Camila tried to bat the medical diaper away, only to have her hands restrained by Amanda.
“Sorry Camila, that’s the right underwear for a girl who’s not potty trained, at your size.” Belén hands were warm and loving as they wrapped the hateful diaper on Camila. Squirming was useless. Taped into a diaper, Camila was scooped off the table and tucked tightly against Belén’s side
“Come on Amanda. I can’t leave a baby here in class by herself.” Belén took Amanda’s wrist with her free hand and stepped out of the classroom.
“Everyone’s going to see my diaper.” Camila struggled free of Belén’s grip and staggered back into the drafty stands of the town’s roller rink.
“Do you honestly think people haven’t seen it before?” Belén looked at Camila in surprise. “You wear them all the time, big, wet ones. Everyone knows you’re a diaper-girl.”
“No, that’s not true. I’m good at keeping secrets.”
“You’ve never been good at keeping your potty-problems a secret.” Belén shrugged. “I’m not breaking up with you or anything. We can just tell everyone that you have a medical problem.”
“I won’t let you! You can’t.”
“It’s the truth though, isn’t it? Aren’t you a good girl who tells the truth?”
Camila staggered back and bit her lip. I am a good girl. I tell the truth – almost always. I follow the rules, I do my homework. I’m a good girl!
In a butterfly-wing-corset, short shorts, and on roller skates, Belén picked Amanda up and set her on the bleachers. “Amanda, be a good baby and stay here while you watch my game.”
“Stop it!” Camila tugged at Belén’s corset. “Stop playing with her.”
“What’s the matter Camila? I’m just taking care of the baby.”
“I want to be the baby. I was wearing diapers before she did.”
“That’s because you’re incontinent. You’re different from Amanda and the sorority girls. You need your diapers.”
“That’s not fair! I can be a baby too. I want to be your baby!”
“Are you sure? You can’t be my girlfriend and my baby.” Belén skated a tight circle around Camila, spinning her around on the second time around.
“Why not? Betty and I do it that way.” Camila stumbled and spun, tangled in Belén’s shifting grip.
“For one thing, you’re in an ugly medical diaper. Babies don’t wear those.”
“I don’t usually wear those! I wear baby ones!” Camila steadied herself with a hand on Belén’s corset. Belén stopped her spin and skated forward, smoothly pinning Camila against a wall.
“You’re going to be wearing that medical one for a while. You know you can’t get a new diaper until it’s used up.”
“You really don’t mind if I use my diaper around you?”
“Of course not. I like girls and babies. I’ll like whichever one you are.”
“I want both. Please? Please be my girlfriend, and my mommy.”
“We can try. But you have to use your diaper first. I still don’t believe you’re a baby.”
“I’ll show you.” Camila leaned close to kiss Belén. Their lips met like velvet electricity. Camila bore down with her stomach muscles. To her relief, the pressure she’d been feeling was gone. On top of that, her diaper was wet and squishy. She reveled in the infantile feeling, reaching for Belén with arms that felt suddenly heavy.
“See? I’m a baby. I can be your baby girl now.”
“I’m still not sure, Camila.” Belén’s voice had an odd echo, despite how close they were. “You need to wake up.”
“But you have to change me.”
“I will, but you have to wake up first.”
“I’m not asleep! We don’t sleep together, I sleep with Betty.”
“You are asleep. Wake up now.”
Camila blinked and the roller rink, Belén, as well as Amanda in her annoying yellow pajamas all faded into darkness. There was a pale face looming near her in the dim light, but it was more broad than Belén’s.
“Wake up Camila. Come on sweetheart. You had a messy accident.” Betty was shaking Camila’s shoulder.
“No Betty, I don’t do that!” Camila’s tongue was stilled by the smell intruding on her nose. All at once, the sensation of warm mush in her diaper registered.
“I’m not upset, but the smell is a lot.” Betty’s voice had gone flat and more coarse.
Blinking again, Camila focused on the face over her bed. It wasn’t Belén, or Betty. As her dreams fled completely, she realized she was staring at her roommate. Worst of all, the smell and mush in Camila’s diaper was not part of the dream. Both sensations were present in the waking world, along with the grainy sleep-gunk in Camila’s eyes and the drool on her cheek.
“I’m sorry! Oh my god I’m so sorry! That hasn’t happened since – since – that never happens! It won’t happen again, ever, I promise!”
“It’s okay, like I said. You need to clean up. You were saying Betty’s name. Do you want me to get her?”
“I can clean up – I should do it.” Camila trembled before the enormity of her task. She’d have to get up, hope no one was in the hall, shower off, wait, she’d need clothes to change into after the shower…. How many people besides Lamara are going to find out I messed myself? If Ginger or Chun sees…. Camila couldn’t stop the heaving sob that made her curl up and grab her blanket like a lifeline.
“I’ll get Betty.” Lamara was out of the room before Camila could stop crying long enough to say something.
Sitting in the dark, squishing and stinking, Camila wondered how everything had fallen apart. Her potty-training with Betty didn’t have any provision for messy accidents, which meant she’d obliterated the whole program.
It’s all the sorority’s fault. I should quit the Delta-Gs, get a regular dorm room, never talk to anyone in this house again. The idea of abandoning Lamara, the Heathers, Sui-Yin, and especially Betty was horrible. Worse was the knowledge that the sorority house didn’t have anything to do with her accidents.
I wet myself in front of Heather after one drink. My accidents were already getting bad again. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I could hide my accidents if I joined the diaper sorority. Stupid. Everyone here pays too much attention to diapers and accidents.
She could have applied for a medical exemption and gotten a single dorm room, Camila knew. It’s what her mom had wanted her to do. Mom had even filled out the forms for her. But at eighteen, the forms needed Camila’s signature, not her mom’s. It’d been too horrible to start her college experience by officially declaring herself incontinent. When it came time to sign – Camila hadn’t, and had mailed an incomplete form.
My application for a single dorm room got denied, because that form wasn’t filled out. I didn’t tell Mom why. I told her I’d figure it out. She was worried when I rushed – but I told her we got more privacy than the dorms. When did I turn into such a liar? I hate this. I hate myself. I wish I was anywhere else. I wish I was somebody else.
“Baby girl?” Betty cracked the door open and entered the room, taking a seat gently on the side of Camila’s bed. “How’s my girl?”
“Mommy – I’m a liar. I’m a bad girl. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I made everything horrible and – and please tell Lamara I’m sorry. I’ll move out. I’ll leave the sorority, I’ll…”
“Woah! Take a break.” Betty put a hand over Camila’s mouth. “First of all, you swore an oath to this Sorority. You’re not going anywhere. You’re Delta Lambda Gamma for life. As your Sister and your Mommy, I say you belong.”
Camila sniffled, looking up at Betty with sore, tear-filled eyes. “But I’m so gross. I told Lamara not to get you. I can clean myself up.”
“Can you do me a favor? Will you let me clean you up?” Betty smiled and patted Camila’s head. “Don’t look so confused. I want to take care of you. May I?”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t. I want to. Please?”
Making Betty beg to change her messy diaper heaped absurd guilt onto Camila’s regular guilt. Exhausted by the weight of it all, she nodded silently. Betty was as gentle as a cloud, putting Camila’s diaper in a pail and wiping the messy girl down with industrial size wipes. The mess was gone surprisingly quickly, tied up in a plastic bag.
Opening the window brought cool, clean smelling air that mingled the scent of frozen leaves with the powder Betty applied. Freshly diapered, Camila flashed back to her dream. What would Belén have thought, if she’d been the one to wake up next to Camila? I shouldn’t even have a girlfriend when I’m not potty trained.
“I’m taking you back to my bedroom.” Betty sat Camila up and tugged a pair of pajama pants on her.
“I can sleep here.”
“No you can’t. Mommy says you’re coming to bed with her. I was going to sleep here with you and let Lamara have my room, but she said she can’t sleep in someone else’s bed. So you’re coming with me.”
“Okay – thank you Mommy.”
Tears bubbled up in Camila as she trundled down the hall with Betty. Everything was broken, all of Camila’s dreams had come to ruin. Mercifully, Betty didn’t ask Camila what was wrong. She tucked her into bed instead, cuddling Camila into her soft curves.
“Mommy – I failed my potty training. I’m sorry.”
“Shush sweetie. That’s something I decide, remember? Right now you need to sleep, or you’ll be a cranky baby at school tomorrow.”
“I’m not supposed to be a baby at school. Nobody is.”
“You might be surprised. There’s more people on campus in diapers than just the Delta-Gs and Bs.”
“You don’t have to make up stories to make me feel better.”
“Are you trying to get a spanking?” Betty squeezed Camila warningly. “You can fall asleep with a stinging butt, if that’s what you want.”
I guess I deserved that. I called Mommy a liar. It’s me that’s the liar. I’m always a liar about potty stuff. Ugh.
“I’m sorry Mommy. Are there – really girls like that on campus?”
“A few. We snag most of them, but we don’t get them all.”
“Mommy – what am I going to do?”
“You’re going to sleep, and feel better in the morning. Then you’re going to remember that you’re a smart, motivated girl. You’ll put your trust in your Mommy and your friends, and you’re going to be surprised by how good a day you have.”
Yeah, right. As corny as Betty’s prediction sounded – it was comforting. With sleepiness stealing it’s way into Camila’s mind, she let herself believe. Trusting Mommy was the easy part. She’d no right to someone as kind and caring as Betty, but here she was.
There was only one thing she couldn’t let go, with her dreams coming back to haunt her. “Mommy – what do I do about Belén?”
“Believe in her. Anyone who would fall in love with a girl as special as you must be pretty special herself.”
“That’s not – Mommy, that’s not how stuff works.”
“Sometimes it is. I’ll help you. But you need to trust her first. Trust is like fairy dust.”
“Mommy, that’s…”
“Say it with me. Trust is like fairy dust.”
“I’m not going to…” Camila squeaked at Betty pinching her leg. “T-trust is like fairy dust.”
“Good girl. Don’t make decisions for people. Let them decide how to deal with what you show them.”
“It’s scary with diaper stuff though.”
“I know. That’s why I’m going to help. We’ll figure out a better way than blurting it out to her.”
“I don’t blurt.”
“You’re a Little blurter and you know it.”
“I am not!” Camila giggled despite herself.
“You’re my Little blurter and you need to go to sleep.”
“Okay Mommy.” Camila sighed and settled into Betty’s arms. She’s really going to help me. Maybe – maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe.