It was a beautiful spring day on the ABDU campus. The birds were singing, the breeze was perfumed with flowers, and Jenna was sitting on a bench in a diaper. Obviously, she wasn’t in just a diaper, any more than she would have been on a bench in only her underwear. The diaper was remarkable because it wasn’t remarkable. That was to say, Jenna had just realized that she was in a diaper, and had the secondary revelation that the experience was so common she hadn’t noticed until her morning classes were over.
The worst part is, I’m not supposed to be wearing a diaper today. I was going to take a day off!
Jenna sipped berry juice from her juice box while she tried to figure out what had gone wrong. The morning had started normally, she’d woken up when Monserrat got out of bed, wet her diaper, and drifted back to sleep while Monserrat did her morning exercises. Then Niusha had woken her up for a diaper change and…
Wait, that’s a normal morning now?
Juice wasn’t going to cut it for the level of dismay Jenna was feeling. She dug in her backpack to get her lunch bag, and found only the empty bag that’d held her actual lunch. After more digging through maths books, she was relieved to find the snack bag her babysitter had packed for her. It’d fallen to the bottom of the bag, atop her spare pullup.
My babysitter? Spare pullup?!
The snack bag contained a piece of string cheese, peanut butter crackers, and a handful of grapes. Each was in it’s own re-usable container decorated with Strawberry Milk stickers. She looked at the bag, at her juice box, and felt the softness of her diaper under her rear. A blush spread across Jenna’s face. More realizations surfaced. Her outfit was a fuzzy pink sweater, sand-colored shorts with white tights underneath. She only knew that much about her outfit by looking – and she didn’t know what shirt she was wearing under the sweater – because she hadn’t dressed herself. Niusha had dressed her in her capacity as a babysitter. Rachel had packed her snack, also as a babysitter.
There had been a time – Jenna remembered it clearly – when talking with Monserrat about wearing a diaper had made her hyperventilate. Other than the books on Graph Theory in her backpack, Jenna was functionally identical to a pre-school toddler.
Except for the part where I’m an actual adult – but am I even acting like one anymore? Do my girlfriends and my wife think of me as an adult at this point?
There was no point in throwing away her snacks, as childish as they were. That’d be tantrum behavior anyway. Jenna munched on her string cheese, ostensibly trying to come to grips with how far down the rabbit hole she was. What she actually ended up doing was noticing the beautiful day again, and wondering if there was anyone to play with.
Monserrat had given Jenna some numbers of Littles that wouldn’t mind being contacted. Flora would have been Jenna’s first choice, but she wasn’t a student and didn’t drive. There was a new name on the list, which was scary. Jenna’s thumb skipped over that name and hovered over Brooke’s name. Brooke would do anything for Jenna, that’s how good of friends they were.
That level of friendship was precisely the problem. Jenna had seen Brooke’s awkward, uncomfortable expression the day they’d worn diapers together. Of course Brooke would “play” with Jenna if she asked. But she wouldn’t like it, and it’d be another wedge between them. Too many of those and maybe they wouldn’t be best friends anymore.
Jenna couldn’t face losing Brooke. She pressed down on the new name instead, crafting a message to Sue one-handed while she popped crackers in her mouth.
[Jenna] Hi Sue, it’s Jenna. Monserrat gave me your number, she said you might want to meet someone else who’s Little.
I don’t have anyone else to hang out with
Jenna quickly erased the last sentence and tried for something friendlier. Brooke would have been proud of how socially aware Jenna was being. It was too bad Brooke had had a problem with diapers.
[Jenna] Hi Sue, it’s Jenna. Monserrat gave me your number, she said you might want to meet someone else who’s Little. It’s a really pretty day, do you want to hang out in The Grove?
With her message sent, Jenna re-packed her backpack and watched the birds chase each other from tree to tree. There were important questions she was supposed to be thinking about – but they weren’t maths related and she honestly couldn’t be bothered. Not when she was in such a good mood, and those thoughts all felt like big bummers. She was spared any potential guilt over avoiding her internal struggles when Sue replied.
[Sue] Yeah, I’m just studying in the library, but mostly staring out the windows. 😝
[Jenna] I can’t concentrate either. I’m in The Quad. Meet you in The Grove? I’m wearing a pink sweater and tan shorts. I have an ABDU backpack.
[Sue] 😎
The Grove’s signature ring of trees were an absolute riot of beautiful blossoms. Hummingbirds were out in force, dive-bombing each other as they tried to stake out the best clumps of flowers. There were students all over the huge bowl-shaped depression inside the ring of trees. Some of them were clumped up like the flowers, others dive-bombed from group to group like the hummingbirds. Jenna giggled at the comparison.
“Hi, I’m Sue.” Sue was blonde, pretty, and taller than Jenna. She had itty-bitty jeans shorts on and was wearing a midriff-baring tank top in yellow. Looking at her, Jenna would not have clocked her as Little, or anything other than a typical college student.
“Jenna.” Jenna squirmed, already feeling awkward and glad she’d asked Sue to hang out instead of “play”.
“I don’t know if Monchi told you what all she uh – did for me the other day.” Sue’s squirms mimicked Jenna’s. Maybe Sue would be okay to play with. She had responded to a message about meeting someone else Little, after all.
Jenna motioned with her head, walking down into The Grove. Sue followed, skirting the impromptu Ultimate Frisbee field some students had staked out. With the two of them off the beaten path and with most of the frisbee action near the middle, they had as much privacy as The Grove could offer.
“You had an accident, right?” Jenna looked up at Sue to see the girl wince in embarrassment. “It’s okay, I had one at school too, it was awful.”
“Yeah, it’s awful.” Apparently on impulse, Sue reached out and took Jenna’s hand. To Jenna’s surprise, she didn’t mind the contact. “Did Monchi rescue you too?”
“No my uh – uh – uh – friend Niusha did.”
Sue squeezed Jenna’s hand. “It’s okay if you say girlfriend. Monserrat told me that you’re married, but that you’re poly.”
“She’s that too, but I was going to say – babysitter.” Jenna looked nervously up at Sue. The girl was surprised, but instead of being upset she seemed wistful.
“It’s cool you have people taking care of you. Are all your girlfriends your babysitters?”
“Yeah, they are.” Jenna stopped at the edge of a muddy patch covered in barefoot footprints. The Grove was well known as an after-dark party spot. Supposedly the whole place would be stripped of grass by the end of Spring Quarter, only for the groundskeepers to replant it over the summer.
“What’s it like? Um – not that I want to push in on your thing but…”
“It’d be fine if you did. Better than fine, good.” Jenna sighed. “It’d be good to have a friend to talk to about being – Little. I know a couple of people but they’ve been doing it for a long time. I’d like to know someone who’s new to it.”
“Are you just learning about it too?” Sue asked excitedly.
“Well um…” Jenna found herself blushing. “I was just thinking today how I’m more into it than I ever expected. It’s not a bad thing, but I’m trying to figure myself out, I guess.”
“Oh, that’s even better!” Sue nodded in response to Jenna’s confused expression. “I need someone to ask questions, but who isn’t – hardcore – I guess?”
“I think that’s me.” Jenna laughed. “Maybe you’ll change your mind when you find out how much stuff I do.”
“You’re still figuring things out, you said, and you seem shy about it. That’s good enough for me.”
Jenna’s search for a good response came up empty. Sue didn’t seem to have a follow up either. As the silence stretched out, both girls succumbed to shyness and started walking again. The Grove’s downslope was too steep to climb where they were, so they cut inward around the muddy patch. Ahead of them, students were sprawled out on the grass. A few of them were studying, but most were dozing in the sun.
“You can ask me if you want.” Jenna finally forced herself to say. “About what stuff I do.”
“Do you want to tell me?”
“I think I do. It’d be good to have a baseline for how weird I am.” Jenna managed to save her statement from bitterness with a smile and a hopeful lilt to her voice.
Sue took Jenna’s hand again. “I’m curious.”
“My wife – uh, Monchi – never mind you know that.” Jenna blushed and looked down, but Sue’s only response was a gentle hand squeeze. “Monchi um, puts me in a diaper every night. I usually wake up with her, really early and then go back to sleep. But before that I uh – use it.”
“Wow, every morning?” There was no judgement in Sue’s voice, but she didn’t sound envious or excited either.
“Most of them.” Jenna took a deep breath. “Then uh – I wear to school but I don’t – use it here. And recently Rachel – another girlfriend – is babysitting me in the afternoon while I do homework.”
“And Rachel babysits you in the morning too?”
“No uh – that’s Niusha mostly. She uh – she – she changes me, and helps me shower and makes my lunch. Rachel makes me breakfast and a snack in the mornings.” Deep regret burned like spicy food in Jenna’s chest. Laid out for a stranger, her daily routine sounded like a pathetic child. There was nothing adult about it.
“That’s – kinda amazing.”
Sue sounded so genuinely enthusiastic that Jenna looked up at her in shock. Her expression matched as well, so it didn’t seem like a trick. Jenna’s heart was pounding too fast from baring her secrets for her to respond.
“I mean, you like it, don’t you?” Sue frowned in confusion – probably at the distress on her new friend’s face, Jenna realized. “It’s like, wow, they have to really love you to do all of that. I wish someone would do that for me. Doesn’t it make you feel special?”
A big smile blossomed on Jenna’s face out of nowhere. No, not out of nowhere, out of the love Sue had reminded her she had. The love her girlfriends and wife lavished on her every day.
“It really does. I guess that’s why I keep adding more – but only because they offer. I know it’s a lot of work, but they’re the ones asking to do it and it feels so good.”
“I’m not trying to hit on your wife or get into your polycule – promise.” Sue bit her lip. “But I wish Monchi was here to uh – diaper me.”
“She’s so good at it.” Jenna squeezed Sue’s hand as a thought struck her. “I have a spare pullup in my backpack, it’d fit even under those short shorts.”
Sue giggled. “But Monchi isn’t here.”
“I’m not offering to uh, help you. I haven’t really done that part. It’s just that wearing pullups and diapers is a nice reminder sometimes of when somebody took care of you.”
Sue giggled again, nodding vigorously. “There’s a bathroom right over there. You really don’t mind if I use your spare?”
“I’m wearing a decently thick diaper,” Jenna said, surprising herself at the lack of blush. “No way did I drink enough to need a change before I get home – not that I’m going to use it!”
“Why not, does it get uncomfortable?” Sue motioned for Jenna to follow her into the restroom. It was a single-toilet unisex type with Ardenthill’s trademark robust changing table dominating one wall. Jenna quickly locked the door behind them.
“Not unless it gets really soggy.”
“So why don’t you? Your babysitter will just change you when you get home. It’s Rachel in the afternoons, right?”
“Yeah – good memory.” Jenna turned her back when Sue dropped her shorts, dodging the question as much as the sight of her new friend’s underwear.
“I’m always good with people-stuff. I want to be a politician or an actress or something.”
From the sounds of it, Sue had her shoes off too, and was hopping a bit. A hysterical lightness made Jenna’s limbs wobbly. She’d known Sue for half an hour and the woman was naked in a bathroom with her, putting on one of Jenna’s pullups.
“I don’t get people most of the time. Monserrat helps me with that. It used to be that maths was a big enough world for me, but since I met her…” Jenna shrugged. “I’d never have been able to make friends with you this fast before I met my wife.”
Sue hugged Jenna from behind. It was hard to tell through Jenna’s clothes, but she got the sense that Sue wasn’t wearing a lot. I really, really hope she got that pullup on.
“I’m glad we’re friends. You seem like a good friend to have. I like you.”
Sue bared her emotions apparently effortlessly. It was too heartfelt a sentiment to give the cold shoulder to. Jenna turned around to hug Sue, sighing in relief when she saw her new friend had indeed put the pullup on. Honestly, her shorts hadn’t covered much more than the pullup did.
Jenna gave Sue a fond squeeze before awkwardly breaking the hug. “How uh, does it fit?”
“Fits good! We’re both skinny-Minnies.” Sue laughed. “I guess we can share diapers.”
Jenny had to giggle at that. “Okay but you have to get some of your own or it’s no fair.”
“I will, but you’ll have to show me where to get them.” Sue pulled her shorts over the pullup with a little hop. “Also uh, I don’t know how much I’ll use them. This is fun, but I like it better when someone else is helping me.”
“Yeah, it’s nice.”
“That’s why you should use your diaper!” Sue sat on the toilet lid, putting her shoes on. “I bet you have to go if you had a snack.”
“Wha-what? I can’t in front of you.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean…” Sue blushed profusely. “I meant like, before you go home. You should give your girlfriend a reason to get your diaper off.”
“She’d really like that.” It was Jenna’s turn to blush scarlet.
“I have to get to my work study but uh – can we…”
“Play again?” Jenna asked shyly.
“Yeah.” Sue giggled. “Can we play again sometime?”
“I’d like that.” Jenna worked up her courage and gave Sue a hug as soon as the other girl had her shoes on.
~~~*~~~
They already had each other’s numbers and Sue was close enough to her shift start that she had to jog to get there. Feeling a bit off-balance at their sudden parting, Jenna wandered toward the campus bus station. As she went, she tried to relax her bladder. The surprising ease with which she wet was either a success – or a worrisome sign. Jenna decided on success. She could worry about how easy it’d become to use a diaper when she worried about all the other stuff she’d put off thinking about that afternoon.
Warm in her heart and her pants, Jenna joined a crowd of students at the bus stop. She was just about to start daydreaming about what Rachel might do when she discovered Jenna was wet when someone grabbed her arm.
“Jenna!” Brooke gave Jenna a big hug, stun-locking the diapered girl.
“I uh – hey Brooke!”
“Oh, sorry! I forgot you don’t like to be grabbed out of the blue. I didn’t ruin maths solving, did I?”
“No, I wasn’t thinking about maths at all.” I haven’t thought about maths all afternoon. What’s happening to me?
“Penny for your thoughts then! I’ll actually be able to understand them.” Brooke grinned.
“I was thinking about Rachel babysitting me when I get home.” The bottom dropped out of Jenna’s stomach when she realized that her comfort with Brooke had let her mouth run on autopilot. A quick look around showed no-one looking their way. Everyone had their own conversations, or had earbuds in.
“Oh, wow. Afternoons now too? Or is this a special day?”
“No uh – it’s every day. My only time I’m not uh – doing that kind of stuff is from dinner until Monchi and I go to bed.”
“Until she puts you to bed?” Brooke had a smirk on her face. To her horror, Jenna wasn’t sure if she could trust that expression. Her best friend wasn’t making fun of her – was she?
“We go to bed in the same bed a lot of nights.” Jenna protested.
“Uh huh.” Brooke ruffled Jenna’s hair and leaned in for a whisper. “So you’re saying you two have never talked about replacing the bed in your bedroom with a crib?”
“It’s not like that – yet. Or maybe ever.” Jenna’s protests were sounding weaker and weaker to her ears. Wearing a wet diaper and denying she was a baby were an absurd combination.
“I’m just teasing.” Brooke smiled, but the smile didn’t seem to reach her eyes. She was uncomfortable – or upset – or something else, and Jenna couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it was.
In Jenna’s mind’s eye, Brook had always had an aura of diamond. Precious, beautiful – and most importantly, crystal clear. The foundation of their friendship was that Jenna had always been able to understand what Brooke was feeling. There hadn’t been anyone in Jenna’s life like that until Monserrat, not even her parents. The diamond aura was still flashing, still beautiful, but the facets reflected inward to nowhere. Brooke was all glitter and no depth.
“I knew you were teasing.” Jenna lied. The slight frown on Brooke’s face was a good indicator her best friend had noticed the fib. Barreling ahead, Jenna asked, “Do you want to hang out this weekend? I have time on Sunday.”
“Oh – uh – I really want to but…”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Jenna said in a rush.
“I do, Jenna, I so do! But I have plans pretty much all of Sunday.”
“Okay, maybe next weekend.”
“Yeah, we should!”
They stood in uncomfortable silence until a bus pulled up. Brooke looked at it and winced. “This is my bus. You ride the 45, right?”
“Yeah. Um, see you around, Brooke.”
“See you Jenna.” Brooke went in for another hug, but neither of them had their heart in it. Sadly, Jenna watched the bus go.
Are we even besties anymore? Maybe I can only be friends with Littles now. When did that happen? How did I become just another diaper girl?