No, no no no! This can’t be happening. I don’t want a babysitter! Why does Veronica have to go to her stupid meeting? Where’s Briana’s Grandma? Why won’t anybody notice how scared I am?
There were no answers. Instead, a big hairy man swooped the girl Ava had been kissing into his arms, and kissed her with a resounding smack. Too frozen even to cry, Ava could only stare up at the two of them and cling to Brownie.
“Hi Ava, is that one of Briana’s skirts? It looks great on you. Has my Little girl been playing nicely with you?” Gary’s jovial face demanded an answer.
“We’re playing – Cloudland.” Ava’s voice felt tiny in the sudden scariness of the room. Gary seemed to take it for a Little voice – which was fine. As much as Ava wanted out of the situation, Gary was the last person she wanted to open up to.
Briana squirmed out of Gary’s arms and plopped down next to Ava. “Mom was going to get us more cookies but she got busy, can you get us another plate please, Gary?”
Gary laughed. “Nice try. Veronica gave me instructions ahead of time. Why don’t you show me what’s going on in Cloudland?”
“Ava’s a visiting dignitary, she can fill you in on the situation with the rakshasi.” Briana gestured magnanimously to Ava, leaving her in the high beam headlights of Gary’s attention.
Making a terrible scene seemed like the only way out. Had she been fully big, Ava could have made some excuses and slipped away – but such subtleties were beyond her Little self. Her ribs felt like they were crushing inward on her lungs and heart. A trembling cry built up in Ava’s throat, and was stalled by Briana’s happy grin.
“I can tell if you don’t want to!” Briana’s face was full of innocent joy. She wasn’t trying to do anything scary to Ava, she was Little, and having fun. The purity of Briana’s Littleness offered Ava another way out of her panic. She could follow the cherubic girl down the rabbit hole and pretend everything was okay. After all – what was Littlespace for, if not pretending?
More than she’d ever dared, Ava let go of her adult worries. Gone were silly things like school, work, and bills. With her nethers expertly diapered, she could cast aside even very basic concerns. Gary was still scary – but instead of relationship complexities, it was his status as an unknown authority figure that made Ava wary of him. The most important thing in the moment was the game they were playing. Within that game, it was paramount that Ava keep Briana from stealing her thunder.
“I can tell it! I was just – getting my words together.” Ava fussed loudly at her friend. There was a moment of shock on Briana’s face, giving way quickly to a brilliant grin.
“Well excuse me, Princess.” Briana giggled. “Please, inform my manservant of the current situation.”
“Manservant?” Gary furrowed his brows, and promptly spoiled the effect by smirking.
“Hush Manservant, there are two Princesses here.” Briana bowed to Ava, making an absurdly elaborate flippy motion with her hand.
“Thank you, Princess Briana.” Ava raised her nose imperiously. The effect lost something since she still had to look up at Gary, but it was the pretend that counted. “The vile rakshasi Shurpanakha has impersonated my mother. Princess Briana has mobilized the Round Table, and we’re going to march on the palace.”
“Wow, is there anything your humble manservant can do to assist?” Gary asked, with a grin.
“Obviously we can’t be expected to travel and fight without provisions,” Ava said.
“OMG cook…” Briana was cut short by a gentle bonk on the head from Gary.
“Veronica was adamant about the cookies.” Gary’s tone was stern – but seemed reluctant too.
“I wasn’t going to ask for cookies.” Ava put on her most earnest expression, finding it effortless in her current Littleness. “We need crackers.”
Gary stared dubiously at the Little girls, arms folded across his chest. At last, he shook his head and laughed. “You’re lucky you two are so cute together. You can have a few crackers. If you don’t eat dinner, Princess Briana is getting a spanking.”
“Gary! Not in front of my Princess friend!” Briana whined in outrage.
“Of course we’ll eat dinner. We’ll be exhausted from battle, right Briana?” Ava hip-checked her Little friend, turning Briana’s whine to a happy giggle.
“Yeah, that’s right! Okay Manservant, get us some crackers. Mush!”
“I’m a sled dog now?” Gary ruffled Briana’s hair and left in search of crackers.
“That was brilliant! You’re so good to play Cloudland with – maybe even better than Melody.” Briana tackle-hugged Ava, who was happy enough to fall over in a snuggly pile with such a cute Little.
~~~*~~~
With the aid of crackers and plastic swords, the princesses managed to send Shurpanakha back to her demon realm – though the battle fierce. Arnold the Pangolin proved a brave stuffie on the battlefield, which mostly absolved Arnold the Pangolin of Arnold the Pangolin’s insistence on always using his full name – mostly. With the unrestrained way that Briana threw herself into make-believe, Ava felt every swish of the sword or swipe of the rakshasi’s claws. Their heroism was real and important in a way that nothing really could be for someone who was Big.
The perpetual aches in Ava’s legs had faded far into the background. With just a bit of help from leaning against Briana’s bed, she stood confidently without her crutches to bestow medals upon the brave Cloudland knights.
“Arnold the Pangolin earns the MVS award, and the sparkliest ring in my collection.” Ava wiggled a costume jewelry ring onto the stuffie’s paw. It sparked like a diamond that had captured a star in her imagination – and Briana’s too, by the happy sparkles in her friend’s eyes.
“What’s the MVS award?” Briana was yanking a sheet off her bed – a breach of protocol that Ava choose to ignore.
“Most Valorous Stuffie.” Ava clapped her hands in delight to see Briana put the sheet around her waist and spin down into a super swirly curtsey.
“That’s a really good award! I might have to add that to the Cloudland awards.” With a grin, Briana swept her hands outward. “But if that’s what Sir Arnold the Pangolin gets, what does the Princess of Cloudland get?”
“She gets the girl…” Ava flipped her hair nervously over one shoulder. “If… she – if you want.”
Briana rose to her feet with a an intense expression that set off a butterfly explosion in Ava’s belly. She stepped forward without tripping on the sheet – an impressive display of Littleness – and put her arms around Ava’s waist.
“Careful what you promise,” Briana said softly. “This princess reads naughty novels where that kind of reward gets – a detailed description.”
“I’m yours.” Ava whispered. She gasped in response to Briana tightening her grip and lowered her head to meet Briana’s lips.
The taste of Briana on her tongue sent a flush through Ava’s body. Despite being pressed against each other, she felt unbearably separated from the other girl. Desperately, she clutched Briana’s back. At Briana’s moan, Ava wrapped a leg around Briana, shivering to hear their diapers crinkled as they squished against each other.
“Um – girls?” Gary’s embarrassed cough shot ice down Ava’s spine. “I’m sitting right here.”
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry!” Briana wrenched free from Ava to turn to Gary. “I got caught up in the moment. I know we haven’t talked enough about everything, and you and Ava haven’t talked, are you upset?”
You and Gary haven’t talked. A pit opened up in Ava’s stomach. Liquid nitrogen shot through the marrow of her bones. The thought of having a relationship dynamics discussion with her babysitter – with her girlfriend’s boyfriend – it was too Big for Little Ava to contain. The Big world was breaking in, and this time there was no sexy, adorable Briana to stop it. She’d turned away, struggled out of Ava’s embrace – was hugging Gary.
Ava hit the floor before she realized her legs were spasming. All the muscles below her waist were thoroughly done. There wasn’t enough sensation of her bladder to even attempt to hold in the accident she could feel spreading hot and wet across her crotch. It was honestly a miracle that her legs weren’t cramping. Worse, her crutches were across the room – assuming she had the strength to stand with their aid.
Bitter tears burst out of Ava. The world of light and magic had been torn into by the stupid, complicated adult world. Unlike the rakshasi’s claws, there was no stuffie to bravely block with a make believe shield. Though Ava clutched Brownie to her chest, she was painfully aware that he was cloth and stuffing – not the noble Kshatriya he’d been moments before.
Gary said something to her – he sounded concerned. Ava didn’t care, she couldn’t deal with him, or Briana for that matter. She was drowning in the firehose intensity of Little sorrow, but with the feeling expanded into the full complexity of Big heartbreak. All Ava could do was cry – and say No to anything she was asked. It was stupid, childish, and absolutely certain to destroy any chance she had of being Briana’s girlfriend, but she couldn’t make herself stop.
Eventually, for lack of other options, Gary and Briana left Ava to cry on the drawing room floor. Briana turned out the lights on her way out – Ava was grateful for the discretion that dim light afforded, even if there was nobody but stuffies to see. This is insane. She’s never going to invite me back, even as a friend. I need to get up, get to my car, go home. The al-dente noodle consistency of Ava’s leg muscles reminded her that she wasn’t going anywhere without more rest. There was no escape from supreme awkwardness.
“I could call Ollie,” Ava said to Brownie. “That’d be awkward too – he doesn’t get involved in ABDL stuff usually, but he’d come. He’s that good a friend.” Brownie didn’t seem sold on the idea. Ava wasn’t either. Being comforted by Oliver would be great – but only once she was back in her apartment. She didn’t want him seeing her a sobbing, diapered mess on a stranger’s floor.
The door opened slowly, shocking Ava out of her tears. Silhouetted in the doorway was someone too female to be Gary, too big to be Briana. For a moment, Ava imagined it was Veronica – but when the woman stepped inside, she was too broad to fit the Edward Gorey figure of Briana’s mom.
“Ava?” The woman’s voice was gentle without being hesitant. “It’s Rosa. May I help you?”
It was a big ask to turn her pain and soiled diaper over to someone she’d briefly met once – even if Ava knew she was being a terrible guest. On the other hand, Rosa was not-Gary, which was worth gold in Ava’s current mental state.
“I – yes please but – I don’t think there’s much you can do.” Ava sniffled.
“I was going to start with a hug, if you’re in the mood for one.” Rosa took a seat on the floor, keeping her movements slow and non-threatening.
This is ridiculous, I’ll just tell her to help me to my car and then I can try to drive home… Ava opened her mouth, surprising herself when she said, “Yes please, I need a hug.”
Strong arms pulled Ava into Rosa’s lap, wrapped her up, and held her with warm strength. Ava cried again, ashamed and venting sadness. Rosa didn’t say anything right away, just patting Ava’s back until the Little girl’s sobs subsided.
“I’m so sorry.” Ava whimpered. “This has to be so awkward – I made a big mess of everything. I think I can drive in a few minutes if you – if you can just get me to my car.”
“As a concerned person, I’ll do that if that’s what you want.” Rosa’s voice was a warm whisper. “As a caregiver, I think you might need more taking care of than that.”
“You don’t have to.” Ava shivered against Rosa, pressing against the woman’s athletic body despite her embarrassment.
“I want to.”
“I’m a mess.”
Ava hadn’t expected Rosa to laugh at that. She flinched away from a hurt that didn’t come. Rosa’s laugh was too genuinely jolly to sting.
“This is nothing compared to the tears I’ve wiped off my Niñe.” Rosa pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and scrubbed Ava’s cheeks dry. “It doesn’t even make the top ten of Melody’s meltdowns.”
“I’m so embarrassed,” Ava said, though her throat nearly choked the words back. “I ruined my playdate with Briana, I’m sure Gary thinks I’m a lunatic…”
Rosa wiped the snot from under Ava’s nose, giving said nose a tweak. “Hush now, drama baby. Nobody’s mad at you. We’re concerned, because we care about you.”
“You don’t even know me!”
“First off…” Rosa shifted Ava into a proper sitting position on her lap. “I care about lots of people I don’t know personally. Second, you’re important to Briana, and that’d be enough on its own.”
“Briana’s never going to want to see me again.”
“You can’t know her very well if that’s what you think.” Rosa rested her cheek atop Ava’s head. “How about a diaper change and a meal?”
“You’d – offer to change me? Just like that?”
“I live with Briana, and I’m Melody’s primary caregiver.” Rosa chuckled. “I’ve changed a lot of diapers. It’d be a nice mood boost, don’t you think?”
Ava sniffled, looking down at her legs for a while before she nodded. “Yes please.”
It took a grunt and an obvious effort, but Rosa lifted Ava into a princess carry and set her on the changing table. The Little girl flinched when Rosa put her hands on her diaper tapes. Though it was nice, and respectful of Rosa to pull away as soon as Ava flinched, she wished she’d controlled her reaction. Now that she’d been promised a change, she was desperate to be out of her soggy diaper.
“I don’t have to change you if you’d rather I didn’t.”
“No – I want it I’m just… it’s hard with a new person.”
“I understand.” Rosa rubbed Ava’s tummy soothingly. “How about we talk to keep your mind off the change?”
“Talk about what?”
“Whatever it was that made you so sad.”
“That’s even worse!” Ava said plaintively.
“Yeah?” Rosa gently tugged Ava’s diaper tapes open. “How come?”
“It’s embarrassing. I melted down like… like…”
“Like a kid?” Rosa chuckled as she rolled Ava’s diaper up and tossed it in the pail.
“That’s not fair, it was more than that. There was – big stuff too.”
“Oh? What happened?” Rosa asked, while gently wiping Ava down with a soothing wet wipe.
“Briana and I were kissing – Gary was there but we forgot – it was really awkward. Briana – she went to him and I fell down – everything crashed.” Ava shuddered mightily, feeling the hurt anew even as her words released some of it.
“That does sound rough. Briana was really excited about having someone new to date – it sounds like you’re less okay with sharing than she is.” Rosa put an arm under Ava’s knees and lifted the Indian girl’s rear. As her most intimate spots were fearlessly wiped, Ava threw herself back into the conversation.
“I’m not bi, like Briana is. I don’t ever want to be – romantic with Gary. I don’t know him, except that I’m competing for Briana with him and then suddenly – he was babysitting.”
“Oh sweetie.” Rosa leaned in for a hug on Ava. “Quick aside – do you do lotion, powder, or both?”
Ava’s lip quivered as she was brought out of her relationship awkwardness to face the equally uncomfortable topic of a stranger changing her diaper. I should just ask for my panties back. I don’t need another diaper… “Um – I could uh – b-both please.”
“Of course.” Rosa kissed Ava’s forehead briefly and squirted some lotion on her palm. “The way I heard things from Briana – and I assume this is the version that Veronica heard too – you were okay with Gary babysitting. It’s not unusual for Briana to get over-eager, but it’s not okay for her to do that if it hurts somebody.”
“I could have said something – I don’t know why I didn’t.” Ava clutched Brownie close to her chest. Everything had happened so fast, there hadn’t been time to snap out of Littlespace and think.
“Probably because you were Little. You’re still there a bit.” Rosa’s hands were strong and soothing as she applied the lotion. As she patted baby powder into place on Ava’s skin, the Little girl realized she’d stopped feeling awkward about being changed. Eagerly, she lifted her hips for the fresh diaper Rosa offered.
“I am, it’s hard to be Big around Briana. Plus we – we had such a good time.”
“Would you like to have dinner with Briana? No Gary.”
“Isn’t that mean? This isn’t Gary’s fault.”
“Gary had a serious discussion with Briana and went home.” Rosa set the tapes on Ava’s diaper and wiggled it to ensure a perfect fit. “He’s rightfully upset with her. While I don’t want to let her off the hook for being thoughtless, you could both use a friend and some non-cookie calories right now.”
“They weren’t cookies, they were crackers!” Ava protested as Rosa sat her up. “At least – the second round of snacks was.”
“Uh huh.” Rosa grinned. “I can see why you two are so drawn to each other. Can I carry you to the kitchen?”
“I don’t know, can you?” Ava stuck her tongue out at Rosa. “I’m not as tiny as Briana.”
“Maybe not physically.” Rosa hefted Ava into her arms and made for the door. Ava closed her eyes, clinging to Rosa and hoping that nobody would be around – or if they were, that they wouldn’t say anything. Her hopes were answered when she was deposited on a kitchen chair next to Briana without another soul in sight.
“Ava, I’m really sorry!” Briana’s cheeks were almost as tear-streaked as Ava’s. “I wasn’t thinking and I hurt two people that I love.”
Ava sighed. “Thanks for the apology but – Briana – you throwing around the L word is the same kind of thing as what you just did.”
“It is not!” Briana’s clenched jaw trembled, there were tears sparkling in her defiant eyes. “This isn’t a joke, or hyperbole – I love you, okay? It’s not like forever super intense love – yet – but I love easy and strong. Deal with it!”
“Briana – you’re an idiot.” Ava threw herself tearfully into the Little girl’s arms. There was no kiss or sexy energy at all, but the undeniable warmth of Briana’s love was there. They laughed, sniffled, and sighed together to the sound of Rosa filling plates.
With plates of piping hot arroz con pollo in front of them, things were looking up for both Little girls. Rosa took turns feeding them, which nicely shut down conversation and gave Ava space to simply be. Partway through dinner, Veronica returned. She took over feeding Briana, despite the Little girl’s protests that she could do it herself.
Ava wasn’t sure why, but she felt perfectly content to let Rosa keep feeding her. Dinner and hugs restored her energy enough to be helped out to her car. She drove away with Briana waving with every ounce of her being. I can’t believe that crazy girl said she loves me. Pondering her own feelings for Briana got Ava home to her apartment and Mango, but no answers.