Monserrat hunched over her laptop in her fancy lavender-lace underwear, her mind only half engaged with the website she was filling out. The rest of her attention was on For a simple civil ceremony, there were a lot more people involved than Monserrat had initially envisioned. Her first idea was to have only her polycule attend – but it wasn’t fair to Jenna to exclude her lifelong best friend. Then the polycule had expanded, putting Clarissa on the list. Monserrat thought she had everything in hand at that point – before realizing that none of her invitees could officiate a wedding.
“I can’t believe we have this many queer women and none of them got the online ordination at some point.” Monserrat said to Jenna, as she sent off an application to become a minister of the Universal Life Church.
“We assumed Niusha could do it… because Niusha. She assumed Rachel could do it, because of that wedding she did. Rachel thought Clarissa could do it, so she didn’t say anything when Niusha asked her about an officiant.”
“And Clarissa thought she could do it, until she checked her paperwork.” Monserrat shook her head. “We should have booked the courthouse as a backup.”
“You found us a great backup anyway – you like Ms. Rasmussen, right?” Jenna winced as she pressed an earring through a long neglected piercing. She was already dressed, in a powder-blue dress of delightfully soft cotton. Monserrat was having trouble keeping her hands off the dress – and her fiancé.
“She’s helped me out a lot, she’s queer and witchy and all kinds of alternate lifestyle with Briana.” Monserrat hopped out of her chair and pulled her fiancé in for one of their last kisses as an engaged couple. “You’re sure you’re okay with a stranger officiating?”
“It’d be a worse stranger at the courthouse, probably. I don’t want to wait anymore, I want to be your wife today!” Jenna pressed against Monserrat, sliding her hands along her fiancé’s bare sides.
Monserrat shivered, catching Jenna’s hands as her breath caught in her throat. “Do not start that, the ceremony is this afternoon.”
“That’s plenty of time.” Jenna smiled mischievously.
“Sometimes I can hardly recognize the shy girl I flirted with in the maths education center.” Monserrat grinned, then furrowed her brow as Jenna’s face fell. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, it was sweet…”
“I just meant – you’ve blossomed a lot.” Monserrat squeezed Jenna’s hands. “You’re amazing, I love you. I’m sorry if what I said came out wrong.”
“I’m fine, it’s just nerves.” Jenna slipped her hands out of Monserrat’s and smiled crookedly. “Today’s a big day.”
“Okay, well let me know if it becomes a big deal.” Monserrat swept her red dress off the bed’s footboard and wiggled into it. With a touch of nerves herself, Monserrat pulled her thick curls through the dress’s one-shoulder top and admired herself in the mirror. The dress was form-fitting, with a runched side under her bare shoulder to give it a touch of elegance. The short skirt and lack of sleeves showed off the muscles under her dark skin to what she hoped was a beautiful effect.
“You look amazing.” Jenna hugged Monserrat’s arm.
“As do you.” Monserrat’s phone chirped. She did her best to ignore it, letting the moment stretch out as she watched the two of them in the mirror. Finally, her sense of responsibility overcame her – she checked her phone to see a message from Veronica.
“Veronica has her daughter with her, she says she’ll be a few minutes late dropping Briana off at the park down the street.
“That doesn’t sound very good.” Jenna frowned. “That park isn’t anything but grass and a single tree, Briana will get bored fast.”
“Maybe Briana likes parks.”
“It’s a dumb park. Briana’s Veronica’s Little daughter, right? She should come here.”
“Are you sure? We were trying to keep the guest list short.” Monserrat chuckled. “There wasn’t even supposed to be a guest list.”
“I’m not saying she needs a part in the ceremony or anything, but she can hang out and have snacks or something. We have plenty of food.” Jenna looked particularly determined, as much as when she railed against sexism in her maths department.
“Is everything okay? I know you said you’re just nervous, but I don’t want the ceremony to be stressful.” Monserrat pulled Jenna close. “We can send them all away if you want, do the ceremony at the courthouse, or we can cut down the guest list to just Veronica and our witnesses.”
Jenna shook her head emphatically. “No, I don’t want that at all. Please tell Veronica it’s okay for Briana to come over. I don’t want her to be stuck at that awful park.”
“I’ll do it right now – after I give you a kiss.” Monserrat leaned down. Jenna met her lips eagerly, but there was reservation in the kiss. It was like kissing Jenna while she was working on a thorny maths problem.
There was no sense in pushing for more information – unless Jenna started to get visibly upset. Trusting her girl to tell her if there was something that needed fixing, Monserrat shot off a message letting Veronica know to bring Briana.
“Alright, she’s coming. I should go check and make sure everything is ready.”
“Monchi, we got so much ready last night, there shouldn’t be anything left.”
“I know but – I have to check.” Monserrat chuckled. “Are you surprised?”
“No.” Jenna smiled and shook her head. “Go organize things. I love you.”
“I love you.” Giving Jenna a final squeeze, Monserrat bounded down the stairs as she ran down the checklist in her mind. It’s about time to take the empanadas out of the fridge and preheat the oven. Rachel should be done setting up the living room. I need to make sure there’s space in the driveway for Veronica to park…
~~~*~~~
Jenna wiped her palms restlessly on her dress, wishing she’d asked Brooke to arrive earlier. The day had started out amazingly, she’d even had the energy to get up at Monserrat’s ridiculous yoga time and make herself some breakfast. As the day wore on toward afternoon, though, unease had crept into Jenna’s gut until she was downright queasy.
I still want to be married to Monchi, don’t I? She’d asked herself the question as many times as hours she’d been awake, and the answer was always the same. Not just yes, but a resounding yes, a burst of happy warmth in her chest that momentarily dispelled the nervous grumbles in her tummy.
If that’s not the problem – and it clearly isn’t – what is? Jenna paced back and forth, wishing she had someone to snuggle with. The day had been planned to be so simple – and was feeling more and more like a real wedding all the time. She began to wonder if she should have asked Monserrat to send everyone away, so she could curl up on her bed with Elizabat…
Where did that thought come from? Jenna frowned at her Jenny side. This is a Big girl – an adult day!
In terms of adult things a twenty-two year old could do, getting married was near the top of the list. Not only getting married, but eloping. Is that what I’m worried about? What Mom and Dad will say? Her stomach was quiet in response to the question. Jenna was confidant as always that her parents would understand, as long as they got to be part of a wedding-like party at some point. They liked Monserrat a lot, and probably wouldn’t be particularly surprised at the wedding announcement when it came down to it.
The doorbell rang, giving Jenna an excellent excuse to escape from her thoughts and greet their officiant. By the time she reached the living room, Monserrat had already let Veronica and Briana in, and was giving Brian a hug. The clearly-Little girl squealed, “Monchi!” as she threw herself into the embrace. Jenna checked herself for a twinge of jealousy and was happy to find none. It helped that Monserrat was giving Briana a warm, but professional hug, just as she had with Flora.
More importantly, Briana might get to call her Monchi, but I’m the only one who can call her Navi. An ache in Jenna’s heart matched the nervous twinge in her belly. She gritted her teeth and tried to force down her discomfort, with little success. If her worries were stemming from not being Little – well then a day as an adult would be good for her. Littleness was turning into an addiction if she couldn’t go single day without being treated like a child.
“Veronica, Briana, this is my fiancé, Jenna. Jenna, this is Veronica and Jenna.” Monserrat’s face lit up when she was looking at Jenna, easing Jenna’s spirits a bit. She was now and forever crowned with a gold aura in Jenna’s mind’s eye, the sun at the center of her world.
With a skip in her step, Jenna went to her sun’s side, waving at the newcomers. Veronica was, if anything, gothier than Monserrat had described her. There wasn’t a stitch of color on the woman, from shoes to dress to makeup. On top of that, her dress looked like it had come out of the costume closet on the set of the Adams Family.
It was possible that Briana had stolen all of Veronica’s color. The Little girl’s palette started with aggressively red-orange hair and went on to include a rainbow riot of color. Despite wearing rainbow stripes, a peach set of shortalls, and vibrant kitty-print tights, Briana’s outfit managed to harmonize instead of clash. The looseness of the shortalls couldn’t hide the bulk around Briana’s rear, nor did Jenna’s eyes miss the bulky bag on Veronica’s shoulder. Even in navy blue, it was obviously a diaper bag to someone who had her own diaper bag stashed up in her room.
“Hi Jenna! Mom said I needed to thank you for letting me come over, but I wanted to anyway!” Briana bounced on her tiptoes with exuberant Little energy that left Jenna fidgeting. “You saved me from a super boring time at the park.”
“You wouldn’t have had to worry about the park if you’d remembered your bus pass, BumbleBri.” Veronica good-naturedly ruffled Briana’s hair. “Thank you both for letting her come over. I have some books and toys for her, if you pick a corner for her to set up in, she’ll be quiet and out of the way.”
“It’s not a problem, really.” Jenna blurted out, before Monserrat could reply. “She can hang out in my room.”
“Jenna, are you sure?” Monserrat’s brows raised in surprise.
“It’s out of the way and there’s stuff to do there.” Irritated at being second-guessed, Jenna grabbed Briana’s hand. “Come on, I’ll show you my room.”
They left Monserrat and Veronica bemused in the living room, scampering up the stairs. As she came to a breathless stop in her room, Jenna turned to Briana to apologize for dragging her around – only to see the Little girl bubbly with excitement.
“I don’t have a lot of stuff up here, but there’s some colored pencils and paper and…”
“Who’s this?” Briana pounced on Jenna’s bed, peering excitedly at Jenna’s stuffed bat.
“Uh – her name is Elizabat.” Jenna squirmed.
“That’s a great name! Is she your Stuffie Primary?”
“What?”
“Your main stuffie.”
“Um – she’s the only one I have right now. The ones I had as a kid are at my parents’ house in a box somewhere.”
Briana nodded. “So she is! I like her. Mine is a lioness named Alanna.”
“Like the girl knight from those books?”
“Yeah!” Briana bounced on the bed, giggling. “Those books are the best.”
“They’re one of my favorites.” Jenna smiled. “You can keep Elizabat company if you want.”
“You’re not going to have her at the wedding?”
“No – why would I?”
Briana tilted her head curiously. “Doesn’t she want to come? You’re Little, right?”
“Not – not right now.” Jenna frowned. “I’m getting married. How did you know I’m Little sometimes anyway?”
“Um, you have diapers in your room?” Briana shrugged and pointed at the diaper bag, and the extra changing supplies in the corner. Jenna blushed, instinctively clasping her hands behind her back. “Anyway, I know that lotsa Littles don’t do it all the time, I get it.”
“Right – I don’t do it all the time.” Jenna set her jaw emphatically.
“Sometime when you are being Little, it’d be fun to play together.” Briana took Elizabat in her arms with surprising care for how frenetic she’d been otherwise. “Thanks for letting me use your room.”
“Yeah – we should do that – some other time.” Jenna squirmed awkwardly before putting her hand on the doorknob. “I’ll let your Mom know you’re going to be up here.”
“Okay!” Briana turned away from Jenna immediately, introducing herself to Elizabat without a bit of self consciousness. After a moment of hesitation, Jenna hurried downstairs.
Monserrat had a serious case of question-face, which Jenna was spared from having to deal with by getting Veronica set up with Briana and Brooke’s arrival. Grateful beyond words to see her bestie at last, Jenna threw herself into Brooke’s arms with the same vigor that Briana had jumped into a hug with Monserrat.
“Brooke! You came early!”
“Of course I did.” Brooke laughed and squeezed Jenna tightly. “You think I want to hang around my apartment when my best girl is getting married?”
“Well, you do have a puppy there.” Jenna pressed her cheek against Brooke’s before disengaging from the hug. Her friend was a sight for sore eyes, wearing a cool wrap-blouse and scandalously-stylish short shorts. The outfit was cute, but the important part was the unbreakable diamond aura she imagined around her best friend.
“Even Bowser plays second fiddle to you, girl. How are you holding up? Nervous yet?”
“Ugh, yes.” Jenna motioned for Brooke to follow her before sneaking through the kitchen to the back porch. “I’ve had butterflies in my stomach all morning.”
“Getting married is a big deal, I’m not surprised you’re nervous.” Brooke took a seat on the porch railing with a short hop.
“It’s not getting married though. Every time I think about that, the butterflies go away for a bit. Knowing I’ll be Monchi’s wife soon – it makes me so happy that nothing else matters.”
“Well it can’t be your outfit. You’re super-cute and super-you in that dress.” Brooke smiled comfortingly. “What’s bothering you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe – it’s – it’s…” Theories and worries whirled in Jenna’s mind, a confusing mess that would have shut her down in front of anyone else – even Monserrat. A lifetime of friendship loosened Jenna’s tongue and let her put at least some of her unease into words.
“Today’s been so different from – from how things have been lately. Maybe it’s just the disruption in my routine.”
“Is that really it?” Brooke leaned forward on the rail. “I mean, yeah, it’s a big day. At the same time, it’s not like you have a set routine for Saturdays.”
“No it’s just that I haven’t – nobody has – uh…” Jenna squirmed, wringing her skirt in her hands. “Usually I spend my mornings being – Little.”
Like a saint, Brooke was not only patient during Jenna’s literal hand-wringing, but didn’t so much as flinch at her friend’s revelation. “I didn’t realize you were doing that every morning – it makes sense you’d be feeling off.”
“It does?” Jenna frowned. “It’s not weird that I – need that?”
“The way you’ve described it, you get a ton of TLC in the mornings when you’re Little.” Brooke shrugged. “Maybe it’s not as much about feeling Little as it is about missing that care.”
“Yeah – you’re right.” Jenna said, with more certainty than she felt. “Thanks Brooke. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Who else would you invite as your witness?” Brooke grinned. “So what’s the plan? How much of a ceremony are you doing?”
“Not that much. Veronica – our officiant – asked if it was okay for her to mention her Goddess, and we said that was fine. It’s just going to be quick vows, an affirmation from Veronica, and then signing papers.”
“That’s sparse.” Brooke nodded. “But you’re still doing a party later, right?”
“Yeah, we’re not sure when. It’s going to be complicated, I’m sure my parents will have stuff they want, and Monchi’s parents will – it’ll be a whole thing.”
Brooke laughed. “At least you’ll get tons of attention that day, so you don’t feel so nervous. Tell me I get to help plan with you.”
“Of course you do. I don’t know anything about weddings. You were always the one reading wedding magazines in middle school.”
“Damn right I was. We’ll make it the bestest, queerest reception ever, without putting in anything that freaks you out.”
“I hope so. Today feels like the big day anyway.”
“It is. My bestie is turning into a real adult woman on me!”
“Yeah – that’s me.” Jenna smiled bravely through a fresh round of rumbles in her tummy.
~~~*~~~
“I think everything is ready to go,” Monserrat said, hands on her hips.
“Things have been ready enough since yesterday.” Niusha smiled and brushed Monserrat’s cheek with her knuckles. “I’m going to have to tranquilize you during your big wedding.”
“Other than Jenna, you’re the only one I’d let do it.” Monserrat leaned in for a tender kiss. “Thank you for being my witness today.”
“It’s an honor to be asked.” Niusha sighed happily, leaning into Monserrat in a long, warm moment. “I’ll tell Veronica that you’re ready. You go find your bride.”
Jenna was easy to find, but alarming for the state she was in. Tucked away in a corner of the kitchen, she was sitting on the floor, devouring the emergency chocolate. The look she gave Monserrat was equal parts pitiful and stressed.
“Jenna, honey, what’s wrong?” Monserrat took a seat next to Jenna, biting her lip in concern when Jenna didn’t immediately cling to her. “Are you upset with me? I’m not sure what I did but you can always talk to me about…”
“No – I’m not mad at you. I’m just – cold feet or something.” Jenna sighed, wrapping up the chocolate bar and sliding it away from her.
“We really don’t have to do this today – or – I know I should say we don’t have to do it at all, but I want to be married to you so much.” Tentatively, Monserrat put an arm around Jenna, sagging in relief when her fiancé leaned in.
“I want to be married to you more than anything in my life.” Jenna took a deep breath. “Our wedding isn’t the problem – it’s – I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I’m worried I’m not the right girl.”
“Whoever you want to be is the right girl.” Monserrat kissed the top of Jenna’s head. “Even if that girl changes every hour.”
“Really? It doesn’t matter what version of me you get – you’re still happy?”
“The set of all sets of Jenna.” Monserrat grinned, gratified to see a smile blossom on Jenna’s face.
“Okay. I love you. I trust you.” Jenna’s gaze was so serious and compelling that Monserrat shivered. “I know we’re supposed to start right now – but I have to run to my room for a minute.”
“Need to wipe the chocolate off your lips?”
“Something like that, be right back!” Jenna squirmed to her feet and scampered off.
The ten minutes that Monserrat had to wait before Jenna returned was an emotional eternity. Of all her fears, inactivity was the biggest. There was nothing to do but put her trust in the woman she loved – which she could do but it wasn’t nearly active enough.
When Jenna returned, her outfit was the same, but everything else had changed. Gone was the hollow-eyed, worried girl that Monserrat had found on the kitchen floor. Jenna was back to her best, most animated and happy self. Monserrat couldn’t resist picking her fiancé up and twirling her around the kitchen. Jenna squealed in glee, but pushed away when Monserrat leaned in for a kiss.
“Nope! You don’t get to kiss me again until I’m your wife.”
“Then what in the world are we waiting for?” Monserrat laughed, taking Jenna’s hand and striding confidently into the living room.
The small group that was truly everyone for Monserrat and Jenna was waiting for them in a living room cleared of furniture. Rachel and Niusha were standing to the left – Rachel burst into happy tears as soon as the brides entered. Clarissa and Brooke were on the other side, cutting their whispering short to gaze at Monserrat and Jenna in adoration. Monserrat pushed her curiosity away and faced the harbinger-esque woman in the center of the room. In their first meeting, Veronica had been intimidating to the point of being rude. Shortly after Monserrat babysat Briana, Veronica had become more of a mentor.
I’m really glad she’s here, maybe she can do a ceremony at the big party too. After taking a moment to glance at her bride to be, Monserrat walked forward, being careful to match her steps to Jenna’s shorter stride.
“Most intimate family of Monserrat and Jenna, it’s my privilege to join these women in a bond of love that will entwine their lives forever.” Veronica’s voice had gravitas, but warmth as well. “Do either of you have words you’d like to say before I solemnize your union?”
“We do,” Monserrat said. “Jenna, I promise to hold you first in my heart for the rest of our lives. We both know that love is expansive, that it doesn’t deserve to be bottled up – but you are the love at the center of my heart, now and forever.”
“You’ve taught me so much about myself, the world, and love itself. Monserrat, I see the sun rise in your eyes every morning. I promise to be yours first, forever.” Jenna’s face blurred in Monserrat’s vision as she spoke. Hastily, Monserrat wiped her eyes.
“Beautiful words, spoken with truth. I ask you both to take your partner’s words in, and inscribe them on your heart next to your own. Above all, don’t forget to listen to each other’s words – and don’t forget what was said today.” Veronica grasped their hands and put them together, wrapping a strip of black cloth around them. “In the name of the Goddess, these women are to be one flesh. Is there any witness to this act?”
“I witness it,” Niusha said.
“I am a witness,” Brooke said.
Monserrat found she was trembling with emotion. There was so much love in the room, all focused on herself and Jenna that she felt like she might burst, or scream, or jump. In a desperate effort to keep herself under control, she searched for anything that might distract her. A faint scent of vanilla wafted to her nose from Jenna’s direction. Monserrat blinked – Jenna didn’t wear vanilla, except for her baby powder.
“Niusha, Brooke, I charge you to carry this moment with you, as women who love and support the marriage before you.” Veronica looked to each of them for a nod before returning her gaze to Monserrat and Jenna.
“Monserrat, Jenna, you are joined in marriage. Where once there were two, now there is one. Blessings upon both of you.” Veronica smiled broadly. “Take hold of each other and express your love.”
With a whoop of joy, Monserrat picked Jenna up and kissed her. They kissed as if they’d been turned to stone for a thousand years and freed from the curse. Their lips met like the world was ending. Crushing Jenna to her chest, with Jenna clinging to her with all her might – they were the only two people in the world. Dimly, Monserrat heard the cheers of her polycule, but they were drowned out by the cheers inside her heart.
~~~*~~~
Hours later, Monserrat and Jenna scurried to their car while their polycule hurled fistfuls of flower petals at them. Laughing and littered in flowers, Jenna’s lips found Monserrat’s for a quick kiss.
“I love you, Mrs. Michalski-Navarrete,” Jenna said.
“I love you too, Mrs. Michalski-Navarrete.” Monserrat stroked Jenna’s hair for a moment before popping open the SUV trunk. “Let’s get to the hotel so we can stare into each other’s eyes for the rest of the…”
Monserrat blinked at the trunk. The bags she’d packed earlier were there, but there was a new addition. Jenna’s diaper bag was sitting next to her suitcase, bold as you please. With a wondering expression, Monserrat put their wedding leftovers next to the diaper bag and turned her gaze to Jenna.
“I asked Brooke to put it in the car for me.” Jenna smiled. “I can’t believe I’d forgotten it before.”
“Does that mean you’re…” Monserrat slipped a hand under Jenna’s skirt and crinkled the padding there. “Not just wearing, but damp?”
“Technically I think I’m wet right after I go and – I just did.” Jenna blushed adorably, squirming.
“Well, my lovely wife, I know what we’re doing when we get to the hotel.”
“Okay Navi – as long as it can be a handsey change.” Jenny giggled.
“Handsy is barely going to cover it. I hope you got plenty to eat, you’re going to need the energy.” Monserrat strapped her laughing, Little wife into the passenger seat of her SUV and hopped in the driver’s seat. With the wedding party plus Briana waving at them like mad, Monserrat set out for the Lakeside Hotel.
“Thank you,” Monserrat said, reaching over to squeeze Jenny’s hand.
“For what?” Jenny clutched possessively at Monserrat’s hand.
“A perfect wedding. You were right, there was one thing missing.”
“We’re beginning as we mean to go on, right?”
“That’s right.” Monserrat found it a challenge to drive with one hand firmly entwined in Jenny’s – but it was a challenge she didn’t mind. You have to put out a bit more effort with a Little wife, but it’s worth it.